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  • Tobach Nigh

He Needed a "Hug"

Updated: Nov 23, 2020

So I been sitting with my inner child, actually my inner adolescent or maybe both. His or their feelings have come up recently. I am not sure where from, but it is from a deep place. I think it might have something to do with being overly responsible for people growing up and others feelings. Like my step fathers and my mothers and my little sisters and my little brothers behavior. He had so much of this feeling of responsibility back then to take care of others needs and never learned how to look after his own emotional needs. His feelings never came into question. How much pain he was in, who to talk to about his feelings, and none of this was a learned trait in the family I grew up in. This was a null subject. Feelings were like aliens, they might be real but yet to be proven, yet you might see them from time to time hovering above the surface only to disappear and then never to be seen again, until NOW as I am becoming a loving parent to my inner child/adolescent.

So these feelings of pain and loss just came up and they were intense to my inner adolescent. As I said earlier I have been sitting with him and his feelings for a couple days now quite unsure how too approach the situation. My usual inclination would be to hurry up and rush in there asking my inner child questions to make him open up and tell me what is going on inside. Like a therapist would do. But that is not what a loving parent does with a child. They would give them space. They would allow them time to come to them and always be there for them when the time came for them when the child needed them. Mostly today I addressed this part of me with words of love, affirmation, and encouragement. I said I love you and I am here for you when you need me. I could tell that he heard me by the amount of pain that was coming forth as he was opening up ready to share it with me. But he did so only a little and that was okay.

So recently I asked him as these feelings became overwhelming, what he needed from me. His reply was, "help, be with me", and after that, "a hug." The hug part got me as a loving parent because as I am going through this process I am able to connect to these teenager and child parts of me that never got any of this love that they so desperately needed growing up and also gives me as an adult the compassion my inner child/adolescent needed and as an adult the compassion needed, period, for my self. I gave myself "a hug". I have found myself less judgmental and harsh to criticize and the "committee" in my mind that constantly wants to bring me down into a dark pit has lessened greatly too. I give myself/inner child affirmations daily in the mirror that brings tears to my eyes almost every time I do it. "I love you. I forgive you. You deserve love, you deserve joy, and you deserve happiness!" I really look into my eyes and make contact with that part of myself that needs to hear that. It is a wonderful tool. All of this is a great tool in helping me overcome CPTSD. Greif therapy is a part of it, I guess is what one would call it. there is so much to grieve and it is a wonderful tool also; a vital one, in the process of healing. Thanks for reading if you did. Please leave a comment if you'd like!

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