Meds, meds, meds!
Ok, so I been taking med for the past 20 years. Since I was 24 I have been taking them. It's a long story actually. I was off of them for about maybe a month when my horrible sponsor in AA told me I was loaded and to get off of them or else I wasn't going to get the program! So I did and went ape shit... I was on Ativan. (I was taking it as prescribed) by my Psych at the time. Also I was off 10mg of Paxil. My Psych took me off all of the Paxil (which was a no no I found out later, and his mistake) and I think weened me off, terribly fast, off the Ativan (I was taking 3mg a day). I think I had a terrible Psych. Because from what I remember he said," that was such a small dosage at the time"...Anyway so here I am now 20 years later with two years sober after losing my sobriety date on Ativan and now I just finished a questioner on my meds. The questioner was from a notebook put out by this mental health group I go to on Weds. It had a lot of great questions and I really wanted to answer them to better shed some light on my situation with me and my meds I am taking now. Plus the relationship I have with my Psych I have at the moment. It is "touch and go" I guess is the right phrase. One of the questions was, " Do you feel you Psychiatrist is open to your questions and hears your concerns?". I basically put, in short, yes and no. I added that I disagree with his diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder and think that I have CPTSD instead of that. By the way Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder isn't in the Psych manual so Psych's cant diagnose you with that. It's a no no. PTSD yes, but CPTSD no. Also I have been told that if they did put CPTSD in the Psych manual that their big book of diagnosis's, it would go from really big to very small. I think that is a fear they have. Just my opinion and thousands of others.
So to continue off on my story: the questioner made me realize that I wasn't doing as well after listing all of my symptoms, the reasons as to why I was taking psych meds, and other symptoms that were not listed, after answering all of the questions. It was enlightening and gave clarity to my situation. Also I realized that I was afraid of my psych's authority and afraid to stand up to him and speak my voice. I am going to talk to my sponsor who is I think informed on stuff like this, on weather or not I should possibly seek out a different psych who is trauma informed. I have been battling with this problem in the back of my head for many many months.
As of the rest of the day we will see how it goes. Oh - My three most major symptoms, I put down were, Emotional flashbacks (emotional regressions (back to childhood)), Dissociation, and social anxiety. That's it for now. Ciao'.